Fear.....

I don't know what it is today but fear keeps creeping in.......not fear of, our we doing the right thing.  Not fear of, can we handle a special needs child.

Nope. No fear like that.  Instead fear of messing up.  Fear that my paperwork isn't done just right.  Fear that I will do or say something that I'm not suppose to.  Fear that something I will do will cause a delay and we won't get to our little guy as fast.  Fear that he will get sick or need something that won't be available before we get to him.  Fear that he will be so scared when he is handed over to us and that I can't communicate with him to calm those fears. 

To me he is already our son.  I would do ANYTHING for our kids.....anything.  The same is true for "Ezekiel".  He is already 100% a part of me.  If I could fly there right now and visit him I would.  I can not wait for him to be here and we still have such a long way to go. 

When I went to mexico when Katie was a yr old and nathan 2 yrs old I had some of these feelings.  Even though Ben was home with the kids I just wanted to be there in case something happened.  What if they were scared or hurt or sad......I knew they had an amazing dad with them that would calm them and love on them but I wanted to be there.  That is how I feel with him......I know that others are taking care of him but I want to be there.  I want to hold him when he is scared and sad. 

Ok I know this is all over the place but it is just one of those days.....

But on a much happier note!!

Ben ran his 1/2 marathon today and did great.  I felt so bad for him because all week he was under the weather and still today not feeling 100% but he did it and finished.   The kids and I couldn't be prouder of him and loved seeing him cross the line!!!!!

GREAT JOB BEN!!!!